


Angels,Demons and Ants

by Titchwithpitch



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 03:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19782316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titchwithpitch/pseuds/Titchwithpitch





	Angels,Demons and Ants

It all started on a hot, dry day in oklahoma. It was a whopping 32 degrees celcius and phoenix was flopped across his computer whacking the fan with his hand in an attempt to make the air more breathable.

Fun fact it did not improve efficiency and it was certainly not cooling down the irritation he felt for this particular weather, He preferred humidity after all.

The dark cloud hovering over him only increased when a clearly carnivorous ant began its mission to chow down on the fan hitting arm.

Turning his a ttention to his new best friend he brought his arm up and slammed it onto the table, only to miss completely as the front door was blasted inwards and sent him tumbling onto the ground and his head in to the desk.

It took him a moment to come to his senses but in that time the door had both beed fixed and among shouts of “The ants are coming.”, salt was being strewn around the edges of the room frantically.

“Ant powder…”

“Shush little human, we know what we are doing and you… well you don’t.”

It had taken a lot of energy to get them two words out of his mouth and gabriels blatant arrogance along with his overinflated ego began to grate on him. What did not help the situation was that he had turned his back to phoenix to argue about options that were clearly not going to work and quite frankly not even needed to begin with.

Letting out a huff it was at this juncture that phoenix decided to fix it by himself, leaving the four of them to fight amongst themselves about which of the stupid ways they had decided on was the best. He took one more look and with a shake of his head he headed towards the kitchen to acquire the ant powder.

It was shortly after Phoenix had left the rook that it became apparent the salt was clearly not working. It seemed to be aggravating the ants rather than killing them and a new angle needed to be considered.

Gabriel rolled his eyed with boredom and sighed deeply.

“Thats it. This is all fun and games but i am bored of this.”

With thath e dissapeared, the others sharing a look of pure astonishment for a brief moment before getting back to the task at hand which consisted of continueing their argument by increasing the volume significantly.

A short while later Gabriel returned, a cheeky smirk spread across his face. They eyed him suspiciously as he began to hurriedly throw furniture against the door. Before anyone had the opportunity to question him on the matter one o f the windows smashed inwards.

Gabriel let out a hesistant laugh as the shouting turned towards him.

“Look, its obviously something the ghastly human did, right? Too stupid for its own good they are!”

“Gabriel fix it NOW.”

“About that…”

Before he could finish his sentence the door splintered into thousands of tiny pieces and a gigantic and head smashed through the frame.

Phoenix took the opportunity to throw the tub of ant powder at the creature, it had not even left his hands when he felt a tug and he was pushed back against the way.

“I am an angel of the lord, do not get involved.”

“They are only ants, ant powder will kill them.”

With a look that could only be described as that look you get from a parent when you are getting on their nerves and making a mess, Castiel repeated himself multiple times.

“Alright, alright just stop boring me.”

What no one had noticed while this exchange was going on was that the ant had managed to get through the door and into the room leaving a gaping hole behind it. 

Phoenix was now sitting in the corner like a naughty school child while the rest of them were in what could only be described as a huddle having a very long mothers meeting.

“Guys…”

“I thought i told you to shush little human.”

They were doomed, phoenix was sure of it.

“It’s right behind you”

As the last word came out of his mouth one of its arms skewered itself through sams head creating an extra problem that had not been part of anyones plan. You Sam had decided he knew better and had begun to attempt and exorcism of the giant ant. What he had not been expecting was the ant to cock its head and send its arm through his head.

What the rest of the room had not expected was the glow that appeared in the ants eyes or that the rest of what were tiny ants would then begin to grow in size.

This left them a man down, with a giant ant and 2 medium sized ants pushing them further and further in to the room. As more and more ant arms smashed through the windows Castiel had decided this was enough.

He stepped right up in front of the ant and stood strong staring at it as if it were an insolent child.

“My name is Castiel and I am an angel of the lord.”

“Oh for goodness sake brother are you stupid too, spent too much time with the itty bitty humans.”

Castiel kept repeating himself while everyone else roled their eyes. It turned out that the ants didn’t give a shit and he was skewered on to the same leg as sam.

With that Gabriel took one look around, muttering apologies to sam under his breath as he took hold of Dean and high tailed it out of there, dissapearing into thin air.

Now you would think a small human would be terrified, well if you thought that then you did not know Phoenix. Crawling to where the tub of ant powder was and deciding that as he was most likely going to die anyway he might aswell kill them in the process. He tipped it over himself, covering his body from head to toe in the powder and then stood there as the ants devoured him too.

He was right though, it did kill the ants which leads me to the moral of this story. 

Sometimes the little guy knows best but just sometimes a random late night/early morning/sugar induced phone call can lead to crackfic gold.


End file.
